SECOND LIFE MYTHS

Auntie Carole reveals the amazing truths behind some SL "facts". 

1.      The number of active residents is around 60,000

Yeah, right, sure. The number of active residents is actually about a couple of dozen. Come on – how many times have you had the sensation you’d already had the exact same conversation a hundred times before? It’s just the same old folks with new alts. And a few bots of course. Oh, and a good few people you see are actually you – with an old alt you forgot about and who got ghosted and “stuck” there. You’ll know that you’re talking to your ghosted self when “they” ignore your friendly IM greetings.

2.      SL is full of sex-maniacs.

Absolutely not. SL is full of people who are so asexual that they can’t cope with actual flesh-on-flesh intimacy. Seriously, how can anybody who prefers watching cartoons bonk be considered even vaguely interested in sex?

3.      SL is full of stalkers.

Mm... The reality is that SL is full of lonely people who wish they had stalkers. Next time someone tells you they’re being stalked, take it for what it is – a hopeful, not overly subtle invitation.

4.      SL is full of Masters and Doms.

Ah well, yes indeedy. Where better for a controlling, domineering type to hang out but in a dimension where all that it takes to escape “control” is a click of the mouse?

5.      SL avatars don’t look anything like their operators.

This is a malignant rumour started by those jealous old busy-bodies over at WoW. SL avatar operators are on average 21 years old, are super-models in their spare time and hang in SL when they’re just too knackered by all their RL partying. Everyone knows that.

6.      SL was invented by Philip Rosedale on a crappy old pc in his garage.

No, this is the cover-up version of the origins of SL. The truth is that SL was created by US prison services as part as a pilot scheme to create a “safe” space to allow the criminally insane to “let off steam” (that’s a euphemism, by the way), whilst keeping them in the confines of their padded cells. The unexpected popularity among the general public, apparently perfectly happy to interact, mate with and even partner raving loonies, came as a great surprise to the project creators and they hastily formed a commercial “company” in order to keep their psycho-inmates happy on a log-term basis. Think about it. It explains a lot…

7.      SL real estate was the main money-making scheme of LL.

No. The idea for selling fresh air at exorbitant prices was suggested during a drunken LL office Xmas party as a joke. Everybody had a great laugh over such a daft idea since nobody could be soooooo stupid as to spend loads of money on something which didn’t exist, until the next day when the college kid doing work placement at LL and who had thought they were being serious, announced he’d already sold $ 500,000 worth of pixel land. The rest is history.

8.      SLers play SL in order to fiddle with themselves

Absolutely not. The vast majority of SLers watch the news, the football and soap operas during virtual seks, as digital nookie alone is simply too boring for words. The news, the football and soap operas are just amusing and engaging enough to pass the time without totally distracting from the occasional obligatory ooohhh! and mmmm!

9.      RL is RL and SL is SL

Fallacy! Appearances aside, what you see in SL is what you get in RL – and by that I mean – you get the distinct impression that he’s a psychotic maniac? Then it’s highly probable that’s exactly what he is! Beware! The parallel existence thingy is not quite as clear-cut as you’d imagine and there’s a great deal of over-lap. For this reason, meeting up in RL with your cling-film asphyxo-kink master is probably not the best idea you’ve had this millennium…

10.  People play SL for fun

You’ve read it in a thousand profiles – “I’m just here to have fun”. This is, in actual fact, a secret Masonic code which substitutes the impossible-to-emulate RL funny handshake members use to recognise one another. Admit it – you’re not surprised, are you?. SL is boring as hell - nobody has actual fun there. That’s why everyone is outside it, writing blogs...